4th Times A Charm?

So I was 22 when I met the future love of my life.   I was in an awkward phase of my life I was overweight, unhappy, and just been diagnosed with Bipolar disorder. (Which I now believe was a misdiagnosis) They put me on enough narcotics to put a horse down.  I was in such a medicine haze back then I was barely me.  But somehow Buzz saw through that.  We became fast friends and I tried to ensure that he was always coming over to my house.  I bribed him with food, beer, and bud.  (Back then we were quite the smokers)

He spent almost every evening with me. We told each other everything, I mean everything. We were best friends.  I wanted us to be more but at the weight I was at and the fact I apparently didn't know how to put makeup on or do my hair either.  It was no wonder Buzz (at a whopping 145lbs) didn't find me attractive, sexually, yet.  After 8 months of sleeping in the same bed, and spending tons of time together, I gave up.  I met this guy who WAS interested in me so I started dating him.

Two months later, Buzz moves out.  We had an argument and one day while I was at work he moved.  I came home and that was that.  It took nearly a year until we talked to each other again.  I was going to call my sisters boyfriends work, and the first 6 numbers are the same! (I live in Houston and we have 3 area codes so you have to dial all 10 numbers) I dialed Buzz instead of Taco Cabana.  When his voicemail picked up I was shocked and immediately hung up. I of course called back a few minutes later and left him a message.

I must add here that I was down to 135lbs at that time and thought I could prove to myself that Buzz cared for me the whole time.  He proved it a week later when we started "dating".  (We slept together)  I was in heaven and so in love.  We spent more time together and he pretty much moved in after a few weeks.  I was in heaven for 5 months. Then he got wind that the "L" word was involved and he ran. 

So I was miserable for a few weeks and then spent a lot of time talking shit about him.  Then I was made to go to a party that he was at, and he was stuck like glue again.  We hooked up that very night, and started dating again.  We broke up about 2 more times until May 2008, we agreed that we should get married.  That's right, no proposal, it was a conversation on the couch.  Then 3 months later in September, we wed. 

Here we are month and a half away from two years as a happily married couple.  He just turned 30, I am 8 months behind. we have tons of family, and we also have 3 awesome cats.  We bought our first home last year, we began trying for a family shortly after, and Buzz is looking to go back to school to start a new career!  Lots of things to talk and blog about!  Thanks for listening!

The best kitty in the world

Miggitys Story

So my beautiful 11 year old kitty, Miggity, was diagnosed with kidney disease last September.  She is an amazing tuxedo kitty, with dalmation pattern too! We have been giving her fluids 3x a week since her diagnosis.  I have had this entire time to prepare myself for her eventual exit of this world, but I dont know that it has made it any easier. 

I got her from a rescue organization that apparently had her mother as well.  Both cats had a unique polka-dot pattern in their coats.  I have NEVER seen a cat like this before.  Her personality won me over, she wasnt a fluffly little kitten, she was a few months older, so at first I wanted the little fluffy kitten. As soon as I met this kitty I knew she was going to be mine. Cat haters have loved this cat, she is vocal and sweet, she will come introduce herself to any guest in the house.  She loves to watch birdies and loves catnip!  I have never met a cat that is this loving and sociable. Her bright green eyes are so expressive, and they way she actually likes to have her butt spanked is unlike any other feline I know.  She used to play fetch when she was a kitten, it was the funniest thing! I know that lots of people are thinking about her and sending good vibes her way! She is a lucky kitty to have so many people caring about her well being. She already has made it longer than I thought possible as she is a fighter.  She was a 13lb cat in her good days, and is now weighing about 9 lbs, give or take. 

I know I am not the first person to lose a pet, a family member, a child.  I just wanted to share with all of you how much I love this cat and how much she means to me.  When the day comes that she looses her battle with the disease will probably the saddest day of my life, to date. I hope her spirit lives on in this family and I meet her again one day...

Pulling the goalie

I will make this brief as my first blog on this was unfortunately deleted due to computer, not operator error.  Anyway, so after about 18 months of marriage and months of pleading, Buzz finally gave in to my baby making plans.  He did it in his distinct style, by just not pulling out one night. You see I had a blood clot in 2003 and cant be on birth control, it only took 2 years of dating for us to move to the pull out method only.  So when a few days before my 29th birthday he ceased to pull out for the first time, I was amazed and thrilled.  You see my hubby never forgot to pull out, never.

I took all the steps and precautions. I scheduled dentist appointments, doctors visits and started taking some low grade prenatal vitamins.  I know that I will need to be on a blood thinner throughout my pregnancy and will be under constant supervision.  I will not be able to leave the city and will have to see one of my two doctor's at least once a week.  I may need to be on the blood thinners if we have problems conceiving, but we will see. I have already had a laparoscopy to find the culprit behind my severe pain during AF, but they found nothing.  We saw a cyst on two ultrasounds but nothing on surgery day.  I get pelvic ultrasounds to check for ovarian cancer, because I tested positive for BRCA1.  I also get mammograms and breast MRIs to check for breast cancer.  I will have to get a bilateral mastecomy and oofectomy when I am done having children as well. (Removal of breasts and ovaries)   All of this I am more than willing to do to get a beautiful child with my husband.

At first he just wanted to 'Pull the goalie", and not worry too much. He didn't want to know when I ovulated and certainly didn't want to be told to perform on command.  Well I certainly didn't want to be controlling about this subject it would send Buzz the opposite direction quick! So he came back home after the job was done and we relaxed about it.  It has been more difficult for me to remain calm. I have so many things to be concerned with. Not to mention the fact that he happened to avoid me on the only days that it mattered.  I had a talk with him last month and turns out his was misinformed.
So since our little talk it seems to be more active in actually trying to conceive. I am happy and hope that we will have a little Buzz running around soon.

What doesnt kill you....

So I am new to blogging. I know I am behind but I never really felt that I wanted to blog, until now. I have been through so many things in the past 10 years. From an ex boyfriend that pulled a shotgun on me in our own home to heavy drug use and erratic behavior. Then to the medical issues, and the psychological ones.



All we need to say now is that the ex screwed me up bad. He was my first everything, he was my world met him at 16 and stayed with him for 4.5 years. At the end he physically and emotionally damaged me for years. I was heavily medicated for the better half of my early twenties. I didnt complete University because I had emersed myself in anything that took the hurt away. Needless to say that even when I met my future husband at 22 I still wasn't all right. It has taken me years to realize that the night back in 2001, that ended with me staying a night in jail. (My first and so far only experience with incarceration) Was traumatizing. Literally, traumatizing. I have been dealing with the ramifications of that night for a decade. I believe I finally ripped the head off of my beast.



What miraculous drug am I on? What amazing epiphany did I discover about forgiveness? I discovered that I want to be a mother. I cant be on the amount of prescription medication my body has been used to and expect to grow a healthy child. So here I am, off all but one medication and on a childs dose of that. I believe that the evening back in 2001 was so traumatic that it effected me for years. I have PTSD. Post traumatic stress disorder. That explains it all.

Well that is not the end of my medical woe. At 22, when my hubby was only my roomie, I got a DVT in my left popliteal. Thats a blood clot in my leg, I was in the hospital for nearly a week. Turns out I have two genetic risk factors for blood clots, so I was ordered to get off of my birth control. I am unable to take any hormones and this will greatly effect any pregnancies. So I already know that I will have a high risk pregnancy and will have to take daily injections of blood thinners. Yikes. But I am ok with that, I understand the risks and I know what to expect.

Then you have the BRCA1 thing. Yes I have tested positive for the breast and ovarian cancer gene. I found out at 25 and I will have to have both my breasts and ovaries taken after I am done having children. Christina Applegate has this gene as well. I have already had mammograms and a breast MRI, and I also have regular ultrasounds to check out the ovaries.
I have been told that everything looks great and shouldnt have any issues conceiving. I had surgery in 2009 to figure out why I have such painful cramping. I have taken narcotics to try and relieve the pain that I have, and I have been convinced that something is wrong. They did find an ovarian cyst on rightie, but when we went in for the exploratory laproscopy they found nothing. NOTHING!!

Well I still cant figure out whether that was a good or bad thing. I mean I am still in terrible pain the first day AF visits, and I pass lots of clots. (TMI I know) Its frustrating that I still dont know why I have the pain that I feel like is unnatural. I mean I had a blood clot in my leg for 3 days before I sought medical attention. I know pain and I can handle pain. But it is apparently all in my head. Grrrrr.

I feel that the things I have been through have made me stronger, that I am a better person for it.