Bad Blogger!

Yeah so I am new to this blogging thing and it has dawned upon me that I am not really doing a good job.  I suppose it is because it has been years since I wrote my thoughts down or thought anyone would care what those thoughts were.  Of course, it seems that I had been living my life under false pretenses. I mean it feels weird to have thought that you were labeled or characterized a specific way, and would be for the remainder of your life.  Only to learn that you were only young, and going through more personal issues than playboy.  Other people have things so much worse but I couldn't deal with the parts of my life that were malfunctioning. 

This past Tuesday I sat down for a new psychologist to administer the MMPI which is a lengthy personality test, which I thought was pretty self explainatory.  I cant believe some of the questions, and based on my answers I cant believe anyone could draw any other conclusion besides I am boringly normal.  Well thats not entirely true.   I am anything but normal, or boring.  I find constant amusement in the daily struggles I face, or at least I try to. 

I feel that my journey to become a mother has already changed my life for the better.  I no longer rely upon drugs to make me feel better. I realize that I am in control over my actions and reactions, and that the way I deal with life is in essence, my life.   I have already won as far as I am concerned, getting my mental self confidence back has felt so good, I am sleeping well and feel that my body is healthier.  I couldnt have imagined this a few years ago and struggled with the idea of being pregnant on medication.  Well at least psychiatric medications. 

I feel that my body is ready to create a child and that I have prepared myself as well as I can.  I now hope, and pray to receive the greatest of life's gifts.  The gift of a child.